Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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