I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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