dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
