Pants 0. Shit 1.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
