i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
