Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
