Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
