He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
