you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
