I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she pinky promised me she was 18
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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