I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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