three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
