im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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