i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
