Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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