I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
