Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
