I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
