You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
