dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
