I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
