My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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