the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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