I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize