Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
