i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I would fuck him just for his dog
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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