I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
