I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
