that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
