the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
