I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
