I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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