Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
handjob tips. give me some.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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