Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
