8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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