If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
