i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
