we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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