so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
