I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
