my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
