I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
