Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
