And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
