it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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