just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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