im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
