if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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