Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
