i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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