im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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