That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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