People with herpes should wear stickers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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