i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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