two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
