You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
