proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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