I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize