TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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