Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
