I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
