im drinking this country out of the recession.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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