Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
