Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
