toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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