There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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