i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
