i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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