I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
