The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
