He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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