Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
