make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
