dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Randomize
