Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
